finding The power within our Disorienting Dilemmas

As a keynote speaker, I make it a practice to never hide away in the greenroom prior to my presentation. Before I step on stage, I’ll make myself comfortable out in the crowd, breakfast plate in hand, chatting and getting to know your team, soaking up the feeling of what it’s like to be a part of your organization’s culture. Not only does this help me understand who I’m about to speak for and to, but it also calms my nerves by allowing at least a few meaningful connections to be made before I step on stage. This habit also goes for any presentations, panel discussions, or lead up to my part of the program- count me in.

Yesterday, this practice led to an eye-opening concept I haven’t been able to get off my mind: The Disorienting Dilemma, a model from Jack Mezirow’s transformative learning theory where a “transformative learning experience usually denoting a life crisis triggers a questioning of assumptions, resulting in transformed beliefs” (Taylor, 2000).

While sitting in the front row of the Megaplex Theatre in Sandy, Utah, with one of my favorite clients, an international tech company focused on customer experience, I heard a term that stopped me in my tracks: The Disorienting Dilemma. This term was casually thrown out during an on-stage conversation with the leadership team, when one of the panelists was asked about a time they had “messed up, failed, or made a professional mistake”. I immediately leaned in, because there’s nothing I love more during a professional panel than to hear a question which requires vulnerability, being asked in front of hundreds of team members.

To my surprise, the panelist answered in an incredibly honest, open way, by sharing that he had developed a huge ego after years of big success and the sale of his company. He was on top of the world, yet leading in a way that left his employees feeling unheard and unappreciated. The panelist went on to share that the sudden, tragic loss of a family member brought his life and work to a halt, requiring him to face his new reality, and forcing a transformative perspective shift. He shared that this disorienting dilemma was what allowed him to eventually see the folly in his ways. He went on to make a conscious effort to get his hubris in check and become a more inclusive and approachable leader who listened to and acted on behalf of his team members.

Whenever we watch a panel discussion from an audience perspective, I imagine that most of us internally contemplate how we would answer the same question if we were up there on stage, in the hot seat. My mind immediately went to my disorienting dilemma, when I learned, I was not related to Amelia Earhart, as I once previously believed. This moment, while painful, confusing, embarrassing, and shameful at the time, is what led to my own transformative perspective shift, the one that taught me that in order to live up to this big name I’d been given, I would need to harness the power of relating to Amelia, rather than being related to her through a genealogical connection. If you’ve seen my keynote presentation, you know this story lies at the heart of my message surrounding identity and is the story I share in order to deliver life’s “flight lessons” to my audiences.  

Each one of us has been through, or will go through, one or multiple disorienting dilemmas, some big, some small; but each, over time, has the potential to open the doors to transformative perspective shifts that have the potential to open our eyes to becoming a better leader, better team member and most importantly, a more wholehearted person.

The panelist in this example could have simply answered the question about a mistake he’d made by staying surface level and sharing a simple example with a simple outcome. Instead, he opened up to us all, sharing humble insight to his real growth and change as a professional and an individual.

He earned my respect in that moment.

As I continue pondering the meaning within this term, I’d also love to know how your disorienting dilemmas have changed you and how they’ve shaped who you are today.

When asked about these times do you stay surface level or dive deep to the heart of the matter? Each one of us has a different comfort level to these types of questions, but I believe that even in a professional setting, this type of connection between the speaker and the audience can be appropriate, and in some cases, even transformational.

Purchase Jack Mezirow’s book Transformative Dimensions of Adult Learning: https://www.amazon.com/Transformative-Dimensions-Adult-Learning-Mezirow/dp/1555423396/ref=cm_cr_srp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8

Oceans to Fly Blog

I’ve always been fascinated by the above quote from Amelia. In it, the long lost aviatrix presents a poetic, yet realistic challenge to us all- to go further than we’ve previously ventured, to embrace our fears through meaningful action, to test our self-imposed limits. When I read this quote, I naturally begin to ask myself…

“Am I daring to venture out over my personal oceans,

or am I holding back, playing small,

safely circling over the shore I know so well?”

The idea of venturing out over an ocean, literal or metaphorical, can feel daunting. Intimidating, difficult, unnerving, filled with anticipation. Lately I’ve been wondering, how can I turn these feelings of overwhelm into action? Maybe you have as well.

Ten years ago, I embraced a literal interpretation of Amelia’s ocean quote, by circumnavigating the world in a single engine airplane, crossing the world’s oceans at the equator. However, for most of us, including myself these days, our oceans are less literal and more metaphorical; but do not be fooled- if we treat them with the respect of a deep, dark, churning chasm of deep water below, they can change the course of our life’s entire trajectory, in the best ways possible.

Amelia Rose Earhart presents her keynote message about learning to love life’s turbulence at an accounting conference in St. Louis, MO.

Crossing oceans forces us to look forward, not backward, to intentionally choose a specific destination, plan for obstacles, create backup plans in the event of major trouble or turbulence, and most importantly, leave the shore to test our knowledge, skill and bravery.

From there, a vital shift happens, once we cross the point of no return- at this point we look around and realize we’re all in, and our actions are the only thing that can keep us in flight. Here in this rarified air, we can no longer rest on who we were; we’re now judged by who we are in this moment, and who we will decide to become moving forward.

Because I don’t want these concepts to simply fade into the crowd as another set of lofty words in a social media post, I’m committing to sharing my experience of flying over my personal oceans as a way to connect with the world, and hopefully, be a tiny spark, a real life reminder, that we’re all a bit afraid of venturing into the unknown, but that with a bit of planning, courage and support from our various “flight crews” we can find our way to leave a mark on this world.

So I’d like to know, what oceans are you currently flying?

I’ll go first...

(because that can sometimes feel like an ocean crossing in and of itself)

The oceans I’m currently flying include, committing to and announcing my first public art show with over 40 original paintings for sale and on display, launching my Talking Turbulence Podcast (available on Spotify) about my first self-published book, Learn to Love the Turbulence, elevating my speaking career to new heights through major investments in my content distribution, and finally, launching this weekly newsletter, “Oceans to Fly” as a way to discuss it all with you- the fears, the challenges, the joys, and the foibles.

Your oceans may look far different from mine- they may be bigger, smaller, more or less difficult, but that’s simply not the point- the point is that each of our individual pursuits include their own personal fears, risks, comfort levels, doubts and reasons to stay over the shore. I want this blog to be a place where you can come to remind yourself that we’re all out over some ocean, doing our best to reach our personal destinations and sometimes that can be scary, isolating and filled with doubt.

Amelia Rose Earhart sits with her collection of aerial abstract artwork.

Some of the honest fears that come up for me around the oceans I want to fly include, but are not limited to, the following:

-That no one will attend my art show, and everyone will mock me for even thinking I could host one.

-That my podcast will fall flat and my listeners will shout at me that I’ve wasted their time.

-That this blog will remain unread and I’ll be perceived as weak for sharing something other than concrete success with my social media audience.

Saying these fears out loud makes me feel weak and out of control of my own destiny. However, I can not understate the importance of writing them down and reading them to myself (and now sharing them here) time and time again- this simple action of naming my fears gives me an immediate flight plan of where to head next.

I find that writing these fears down allows me to instantly zoom out from inside my head and see them from a slightly different perspective, as if I’m reading about someone else’s concerns about their own goals. Just like I planned for all the things I feared about physically crossing oceans in a single engine airplane during my around the world flight, by adding an additional 200 gallons of fuel on board, attending open water survival training to teach myself what to do in case of an engine failure, and much, much, more, I can also prepare for the fears that keep me up at night about my more grounded goals. With the right amount of effort, skill and determination, all of these types of fears can be stamped out.

The antidote to fear is to get closer to the fear, to break it down into pieces, to identify what it’s made of in order to address each part with action.

Here’s how it goes in my head: When I’m worried about my art show’s attendance, that’s a clear signal to fine tune promotion for my event- talk about it on social media, explain the value my guests will obtain by spending their time and money, to get people excited. When I fear my new podcast isn’t as great as others I respect and admire, this is my clear invitation to bolster the value my words brings to my listeners. When I feel insecure about how this blog will be perceived, I can ask a trusted friend to let me honestly know how it lands (thanks Jay for the honest feedback!) and make necessary changes.

It takes preparation and deep introspection about where we want to go, and how we want to get there to fly oceans. Accepting that this is just part of the overall process can be quite freeing because fear illuminates the areas we’ve been avoiding.

Preparation within your fearful zones boosts confidence and skill, making it far more likely your ocean crossing will be a success.

Amelia Rose Earhart sits in front of her aerial abstract paintings in Denver, CO.

I’ve decided to share these posts each week because I’d like to cultivate more openess around what I’m working on behind the scenes. I know for a fact that I”m not alone in feeling like our biggest and most desired goals can often feel like a long, daunting, ocean crossing.

When it starts to feel like the horizon is nowhere in sight, remember the quote we began with from Amelia…

“Everyone has oceans to fly, if they have the heart to do it”

Our greatest life pursuits reside in the heart, which is capable of feeling both fear and courage simultaneously. I’m deeply grateful for your attention and support.

I’ll see you on the other side of that ocean.
Blue skies,

Amelia